Whatever happened to embarrassment? Whatever happened to shame?

Here are some interesting thoughts on the decline of embarrassment in our culture. Read the entire essay here.


What ever happened to embarrassment? Why are an increasing number of us comfortable bringing our private activities - from personal hygiene to intimate conversation - into public view? Bernstein and others place some of the blame on the desensitization wrought by reality television and social networking sites like Facebook, both of which traffic in personal revelation. To be sure, television and Internet video sites such as YouTube have made all of us more comfortable in the role of everyday voyeurs. We watch others cook, work, shop, argue, sing, dance, stumble, and fall - all from a safe remove. The motley denizens of reality television regularly put themselves into questionable and embarrassing situations so that they can later discuss, for our viewing enjoyment, how questionable and embarrassing their conduct was. If we are less easily embarrassed, it must be in part from vicariously experiencing so much manufactured embarrassment on the screen.


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But we haven't eliminated embarrassment; we have only upped the ante. "Your slip is showing" used to be the most embarrassing sartorial faux pas a lady could commit. Now we regularly witness "nip slip" from female celebrities whose shirts mysteriously migrate south during public appearances - or during Super Bowl halftime shows. As the boundary between public and private has dissolved, so too has our ability to distinguish between embarrassing and appropriate public behavior. The result is a society often bewildered by attempts to impose any standards at all.


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No one enjoys being embarrassed. But it brings us all together as a community by reinforcing norms and policing the boundaries of propriety. Writing recently in Greater Good magazine, University of California-Berkeley psychologist Dacher Keltner argued that the subtle signals of embarrassment - averting one's eyes or pressing one's lips together -are "a sign of respect for others, our appreciation of their view of things, and our commitment to the moral and social order." Far from dividing people, embarrassment "can be a peacemaking force that brings people together - both during conflict and after breeches of the social contract, when there's otherwise great potential for violence and disorder." By expressing embarrassment we put others at ease by reinforcing our commitment to group norms. Keltner encourages us to see embarrassment as "a window into the ethical brain."